Before writing anything I just want to clarify that I am no expert. I am a nobody. I am here to write about how I am feeling. Recently discovered that I have mental health issues that have been ignored for quite some time now I was feeling overwhelmed and have decided to write them down.
I already had this website for long now. I thought why not make use of it. I have seen people writing about their lives, video blogs of their life. I am not here for pity. I am just trying to get in touch with my emotions. I have heard that talking about your stuff helps. I have resorted to talking to strangers because I felt most comfortable in doing that. I am not here for subscribers or readers. This is just for clarification of my own mind. I will be honest with everyone. I don’t know how it turns out. This might turn out to be nothing which is what I am expecting out of it. If you read this and you think I have issues let me know. It really helps me to know what a level headed person thinks. I don’t know what I am feeling. Quite blank most of the time.
Physically it seems alright. Mentally it seems alright. But sad as well. Angry as well. Loads of things mixed up maybe or nothing at all maybe. I don’t know how to measure these things. I don’t usually have opinion on certain things because I don’t know what to think. It is blank and it is all mixed up at the same time.
After advice from a friend I have started counselling. I will be writing about my counselling mostly. I have had my first session already. It was exhausting. It was tiring. It was the most exhilarating experience of my life. I felt like eating tons of ice cream after it.
Yes, I think I have eating issues too. I make excuses to feel sad so that I can trick myself into thinking that I need food. How cool is that? huh. Such a fucker. I hate it. So much guilt is followed. I don’t know how to stop myself from eating tons. I eat until my stomach hurts. I need help. I am taking help but I have been told that it is not a quick fix. Which sucks. I wish it was though.
I don’t have time. I have all the time in the world too. This is a stupid idea maybe. Some of my friends do know about this site. If they come to read this I don’t know what I will do. I don’t want to tell them. I don’t want to tell anybody but strangers. Strangers that can help. If you can help please comment. I will get back to you. Do it only if you really really really want to. I don’t want to get into help and feel like a burden. That is a shit feeling. Thanks for reading. I am feeling particularly low right now so this article may seem rude or careless. Really sorry about that.